The majority of you reading this are reading it because you have elderly parents, and you've reached a point where you need advice on how tot talk to them about aging issues.  You see them struggling with the day-to-day things like driving, housekeeping, shopping, cooking and sometimes even bathing.  You are most likely thinking about how to talk about how to talk to them because you are worried about them, their health and/or wellbeing. 

The Senior Resource Network has a wonderful article written by Lynne Coon, MS.  She makes suggestions on how to talk to them and things to think about before starting the conversation.  I have included the link to the full article at the bottom of this page.  Here is a summary of some of the tips and tools she recommends for talking with your parents about your concerns. 

HOW TO TALK WITH YOUR PARENTS:

Give some thought to the emotional response your concerns are going to bring up.

Step back from your emotions and identify your concerns.

Write down your concerns, and what is going through your head when you think of their situation and what you think needs to be done.  For example:  I am afraid you are going to start a fire because you can't see as well as you used to.  I would never forgive myself if you got hurt.  I worry about you falling and not being able to get up or get help.

Ask for their input!!!!  Do they worry about falling?  Have they thought about getting into a car accident?  Older adults are usually aware of how aging is affecting their bodies though they may not talk about it.  So, chances are, that they've given some thought to what might need to change.

Ask them how they recommend solving the problem.   It is extremely frustrating to them if they don't think they have a choice.  It is their life we are talking about, they should have the power to choose their destiny.  They will be more likely to be happier with the decisions if they feel they have some control.

More than anything, your parents are most likely afraid of losing their independence.  Chances are, you are both on the same page where their independence is concerned.  Discussing your concerns earlier rather than later decreases the chances they'll harm themselves or come to harm.  By recognizing that they may be afraid of losing their rights, their ability to choose and control their own lives, you will better understand why they may say or react the way they do.  You will be better able to talk with them and relate to what they are going through and more likely be successful in talking with them.

Before you start know your desired outcome.  Are you interested in talking to them about housing options?  Do you want to have a home health care person visit them daily or weekly?  Are you going to suggest a meals on wheels program for proper nutrition?  Make sure you know what you want to come from the conversation.  If it is to discuss housing options make sure you are well versed on the options, do your homework.  Marketing Directors for independent living or assisted living centers are more than happy to answer your questions over the phone or give you an in-person tour of the property so you will know what you are talking about when you address the issues and options with your parents. 

Above all else, remain patient!  Again this is their independence we are talking about.  The biggest fear of senior adults is the loss of independence.  It takes time to get used to the idea that they are not able to fully care for themselves and/or that they need some help.  Be patient, talk to them with love and concern, and know that it is a process.  

Please join us next week when we address "Is it Safe For Them To Remain in The Home"

To see the whole article click on the following link:  http://www.theseniorresourcenetwork.com/blog/2008/10/how-when-what-if-of-talking-to.html